Nine suggestions for building better relationships with people

Friday, October 10, 2008

Good interpersonal and communication skills, do you have it?

Most job ads require people skills as a must-have for applicants. Businesses need people who can sales talk and persuade people to buy their product. Universities and schools need teachers who can motivate students to learn. Corporate companies recognize that good management is rarely possible without it. IT industry isn't even exempted. Software developers need to work as a team to get the project done and someone has to talk to the client how he wants his system developed.

Whatever industry you belong, chances are good interpersonal skills are cutting edge for promotion and personal fulfillment.

Interpersonal skill is not only for work. Most importantly, we need it to build connection with people, make friends and build foundations for relationship. The reason for this is explained by the old adage, "No man is an island." People are social individuals who need to connect to other individuals. People were created for relationship.

But, if you are a little challenged in this area and think that this is your waterloo, you are finding it hard to make friends with people, or has been having difficulty talking to people while dating, or maybe you're already good at it but want to further improve it, let me offer you some suggestions how.

  1. If you are thinking that you're too ordinary to be be interesting, stop that mentality and learn ways to improve your personality. If you are thinking that you are not interesting enough to be friends with, chances are people will get that message and will believe so. Learn to like yourself.
  2. Sure, you're no Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie but it's never about good looks. It's how you carry yourself! It's how you show people you can shine if you want to. Be confident. Some people have shallow and immature minds they assess people according to outside appearance, don't mind them. Don't let them hinder you in finding that person who will see your true worth.
  3. When talking and meeting face to face, over the phone, or emails show genuine interest. It's human nature to be selfish but be sincere at all times. Listen when they talk and ask questions. Don't just blab about your life. Otherwise, they will realize you'd rather befriend yourself than another person.
  4. Sometimes, because of modern day pressures, people are too tired to talk or respond to us. Don't feel bad. Don't take things too personally. Be considerate. They might have been going through a hard time, or are busy. Give them and room to move about freely without you.
  5. Allow room for mistakes. Since perfection is impossible for humans, allow people to make mistakes sometimes. Who doesn't make one? If you make mistakes say sorry and accept the consequences of your actions.
  6. Be kind. Just because you have a bad day doesn't mean you have all the right to shout at people and treat them ill. Everybody is fighting a hard battle everyday. Think of situations in the other person's perspective.
  7. Accept people as they are. Celebrate the differences! There is a difference between ignoring and celebrating the difference. If you ignore it, there will come a time when you have to deal with it. Realize that each person is unique.
  8. Once, a student complained to me that he's really struggling to make friends with people. He is exceptionally genius with high IQ and he finds it hard to connect with people. He says it's hard to connect because he goes for intellectual stuffs like Physics and Philosophy but ordinary people don't like talking about these. In this case, we need to establish and find something in common. Seek to understand first before being understood.
  9. Don't expect a person to meet all your needs. If dating or married, people tend to rely on their partners to give them everything they want. But your spouse isn't God, in the long run you will realize that they are areas in your life that your partner cannot fully give or share. He/she might be struggling in that area as well. Have other set of friends, join a community, keep a close communication with your family. But there's always a God-vacuum in the hearts of men that only God can meet. There's a longing that only God can quench.

I am sure, there other more things I haven't discussed... but we all know these, they're pretty basic. We just need to be reminded sometimes.

Have more to add? Leave me a comment and I will add your suggestions here. Feel free to react, disagree if you want too. I am open to your opinions.

8 comment(s):

24x7 Online Diva said...

What works for me is just to be myself all the time. ;)

Call Center Gal said...

I guess it will also work if you appear to be someone who's approachable.

Simple Married Life said...

yes, you should not care if you don't look like celebrity, building a true relationship is just beyond skin deep.

khaye said...

I love your words...

pchi said...


thanks for sharing, yeah I agree... I think that works

though sometimes I also think that we need to adjust ourselves to people and still be ourselves at the same time

pchi said...

@Call center gal

Oh, that... I forgot about that
thanks for reminding me... I think that is very important, thank you

pchi said...

@simple married life

thank you for that affirmation
but I think it is hard especially during adolescence when people get popular because they are "in" or "cool"

good think, we learn better as we grow older

pchi said...


thanks for that :-) considering that that's coming from a writing teacher, I feel so elated

big smile

Blog Directories