Factors to consider when planning to get married - Second Part

Monday, March 2, 2009

I am not claiming to be an authority in this matter. These are the things that I learned by example, observation, reading books and other people's opinions, and listening to wise men' and women's stories. I've listed the things that couples should have a meeting of the mind while getting ready to embark on marriage: (not necessarily in the exact order)

If you missed the first part, you can read it here.





1. Wedding preparation

Who will be invited? How many people will be invited? How much will be the budget? How will you share the expenses? What kind of wedding do you want to have? Who are going to be the witnesses and who will officiate it? Consider also all other details like the bridal entourage gown, cake, backdrop, honeymoon, etc.

The wedding day is important but it's just one day so don't spend too much money on it. It's better to prepare for future expenses because as you're trying to start life together you'll need all the finances you can get. Of course, we want it to be meaningful and memorable at the same time.
Pchi says: not all glamorous weddings turned out nice in the end.

2. Money/budget/finances

One of the biggest issues that tear a relationship down.involves money We've observed how our friends, neighbors or parents often quarrel about finances. (Talk about recession!)

Will you both work or will one stay at home? How much will you spend on such and such and what are the available options for the future finances? How much chunk of the conjugal money goes into savings? Who will keep the budget and what are the priorities for spending?

2. Fair division of household chores

Ideally, marriage is a partnership and not a slave-master relationship. When all one does is to serve the other and not given any service in return, the marriage fails. In our grandparents' generation, women stay at home to take care of the household while the man of the family works. These days however, it is common for both to work. If after work, one only watches TV while the other is busy with other chores, what does that say of the partnership? Aren't couples suppose to help each other in all things?

It would also be good to settle in advance if you are going to have househelp or not if you can afford it.

3. Children

To have or to not have children is the question. What if one is medically unable to have a child, would you consider adoption? If marrying for the second time, would the children with the first spouse live with you? At least you should have discussed these things and the child care if ever.

4. House

Are you going to rent or buy a house? Where? Will you live for a while with your parents of will you live independently right away?

5. Personality differences

Do you know the other person's temper, strengths and weaknesses? Are you willing to adjust yourself if in case he/she doesn't change?

Is he bound to throw a fit or be violent? If yes, then be warned of possible abuse in the future. Can you accept all his/her other traits that are really weird and annoying?

6. Learn the other person's love language ahead of time

I think communication solves all issues in marriage. However, people have various love language s and they express and receive love differently from each other. What may be a loving, sweet act to you is not at all appealing and loving to the other.

7. Differences in religion, political views, philosophy

We can't expect that you meet eye-to-eye on everything with your partner, that would be too boring and you will have nothing to disagree with. However, contrasting opinions on religion, philosophies and moral values are likely to cause heated arguments in the relationship. It would be good to agree beforehand how you will disagree on these matters.

8. Issues with in-laws

Parents always want to have a say on their children even if they're already mature and parents themselves. Being a mommy's boy or daddy's girl is good but after the marriage, the first priority (after God) should change from parents to partner and then children next, if there are any.

Well? What else do you think? What am I missing?

Following this list does not mean a successful marital union of course, but it would somehow help us to prepare what to expect and possibly avoid conflicts. There is no equation, or set of steps that would make a marriage work It's entirely up to the couple how committed they are to make their relationship work.

How I wish we could end up like this... I actually need to follow this one too, no exception and we ask all the help and guidance we can get from God, our parents and friends.



Photo Credit: photo1, photo2


11 comment(s):

shydub said...

We never had a huge wedding nor engagement. And it's hard to know one person unless you are living with them. Nice tips

iceah said...

mukhang cinoconsider mona talaga ito a kasi nireresearch mona a :p

hector_olympus said...

one more thing: the month of the wedding should be considered.

mahirap mag garden wedding kapag june-december :D

baka kasi mag gate crash sa wedding ceremony si mareng bagyo.

Nanaybelen said...

hindi na kailangan ang bonggang kasal kung walang sobrang pera. isang araw lang yan na enjoy ang bride and groom . Sa laking panggastos sa kasal ay enjoyen na lang mag-asawa pag kasal na SILA. Hindi naman sa kadamutan kaya lang importante ang mag-asawa yung mag-enjoy ng maraming oras, araw at taon na hindi nagproblema sa pera.para lalong mag-bond ang ang pagassama (during ng adjustment period)at by the time na dumating ang hirap sa buhay at least bonded na at hindi na mabubuwag pa.
Mabilis ang panahon, after 4 years may pag-aaralin na sangkatutak na tuition fee ng nursery ngayon. Tingen ko di naman kailangan na ganon ang bata ang gastosen kaya lang uso ngayon. naawa ka sa anak pag hindi pinasok sa private school. heheh pichi dami ko sinaBI. KWENTO KO NA LANG ITO HINDI COMMENT

RJ said...

Palaging kasalan ang usapan, ah! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Pastilan said...

Hmmnnnn... dapat invited kami nyan ha

Gem said...

Looks like you want to get married. General observations.. like iceah said.

Marami ngang preparations ang wedding. However, it is up to the couple whether they like a simple one with close friends or a glamorous one where many people are invited.

But enjoy being single muna, Pchi. Baka madisappoint ka if you are expecting a wedding soon. Long distance relationships really hurts -frankly - kahit sa pamilyang OFW naghihiwalay pa ang mag-asawa because they had not kept in touch with each other in years.

pchi said...

@shydub

yes. we don't even have such huge preparation ourselves

yes, right... we never know them until we live we them, but at least, we should have subtle hints

@Iceah

yeah, sis... have to. I need to prepare. It's not a simple thing to do

pchi said...

@Hector olympus

yep. thanks for that input. I actually wanted it on December but now that you've mention, baka hindi na lang. Pero wala namang bagyo sa Davao...

@Nanay Belen

Right nay!

Actually I had that in my post. It does not matter if the ceremony is grand or not. What matters is how you live afterwards. Thanks for the thoughts

pchi said...

@RJ

sorry po doc. sige hindi na ako magsusulat ng about ito.

parang sa inyo rin. palaging manok ang usapan. I think subconsciously it just occurs to me to write and then I realize, oppps... tama na pala dapat

@Pasti

hopefully, we can afford to invite people. hehe. gusto ko rin punta kayo

pchi said...

@Gem

thanks for your concern sis. Yes, I am enjoying my current state now. I can go out with friends and spend time with many different people.

It's not going to be soon. Like I've said, it will be two years from now and I am just conditioning myself.

True - the distance is really unbearable but we keep holding on to that commitment to keep the relationship work. If it does not work, then, surely it never is meant to be

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