What I learned when I lost my boyfriend

Thursday, November 20, 2008

"What if he's gone?" kept nagging in my head when after three days he still didn't show up after our supposed date on our second anniversary. Even his parents didn't know where he was.

I thought that I might never fall in love again. I might never marry. I don't feel like dating another person from scratch again after I've been so comfortable and sure about him. I felt weak and fragile just imagining that my best friend, cheerleader and support strength is gone. Life must go on but how? How am I going to face tomorrow when I've always imagined him on it? Honestly, I didn't have a plan of my own - we have always planned and looked forward to a future together. If he isn't on it, how do I carry through it? Yet I know that God knows the plans he had laid out in my life so although I resisted the idea, if what I was thinking is true, I submitted and prayed, "Lord, your will be done."

I realized how uncertain life is. We make plans, hope for a better future and do all the necessary things to make them work. We choose how to live every single day but there are things beyond our control. If one's lifetime is up, no matter how we protest or how hard it is to accept it, we can never do anything about it. A man lives and a man dies. Your life and mine - aren't ours to keep. But God holds the world in the palm of His hands and there's nothing else I am most sure of but that He holds me securely. But I was drifting away from His grasp, and I was slacking in my personal relationship with Him. Sometimes, other loves compete my attention and I'd put Him aside. I would feel guilty at times when I'd get so committed with my family or friends and boyfriend especially but I put God aside. What if I die today without me knowing it, how will my sins be forgiven?

The experience also made me understand that I shouldn't have any unrealistic expectation on anyone. Any human being is capable of hurting us, failing us, taking us for granted, abusing us, neglecting us, using us even only once. But that doesn't mean we should stop trusting and loving people. When we do, we also cut ourselves from being happy. We only feel truly happy when we have meaningful relationship with God and with the people He gave us to love and trust deeply. In the process, we expose ourselves to pain and hurt as we learn and get more mature in loving. In reality, we never really learn to love until we learn to forgive other people's faults and mistakes and accept them as they are no matter how much they hurt us. Of course, there is a big difference on being foolishly martyr. Don't just ask me how to draw the line.

My boyfriend showed up on the fourth day. He told me that he sent me messages of his whereabouts but I am sure not a single one reached me. It is not really important. On the lighter note, I can always tease him about it now. One single gaffe cannot erase all the other good things he did for me. I know he would make more blunders in the future and I will as well. We try to forget about our shortcomings and make new and better memories out of our best times.


24 comment(s):

RJ said...

Wala akong masabi. Kung sa TV ito telenovela, kung sa blog, blogovela? (,"o

chubskulit said...

I'm glad you look at it in a very positive way pchi. You're a very broad minded person and with a huge heart..

misty said...

pang MMK tong entry na to pchi,... Glad you're back on track.. Keep up the positive outlook in life!

joops said...

You're right, one mistake should not overshadow all the good things that you and him shared and built..

bingkee said...

What a heartwarming honest look at the situation. You are right in everything about God. God sometimes uses troubles and sufferings to get you closer to Him and at the same time, giving you the best that He has planned for you. You are very sensible in facing and accepting this. Instead of blaming somebody or yourself, you rejoiced in God and praise His deeds. God bless you PChi!

tikno said...

Dear Pchi,
Sometimes, problem could not be prevented for coming into our life. But the problem will make us more strong and wise.

Warm regards,
love-ely

iceah said...

So it means you haven't lost him c: true it is our part to plan but the Lord blesses and chooses which plans He will give and bless c: my brother was engaged with his gf before and still God has better plans lahat kami nasaktan nung break up nila. buti ikaw nasave nyo pa c:

kahit ako this was not my plan- to marry Pasti but the Lord was good enough to show me why and He makes me see every single thing and little by little I learned and accepted the things about him. ngayon I love Pasti more and more each day and I am thankful for the way the Lord has brought us together c:

eilarmos said...

wow teh amazing love!!weeee!!!
kung aq un wala the end na...hehe!

just passing by!
have a nice day po!^_^

pchi said...

@RJ

haha. bakit naman wala kang masabi, sobrang senti ba? hihi. pasenxa na ha?

@Ckulit

yay. thanks sis. yep, we don't have control on situation but we can at least control our attitude about it.

@misty

haha. pang MMK talaga? hiya tuloy ako

pchi said...

@joops

yeah, first offense pa din naman eh. pde pang bigyan ng second chance as long as sincere naman yung efforts to apologize

@bingkee

wow, that's well said. thanks for that. I am glad to read it from you

@tikno

thanks for your wisdom. I think you're right. we really learn from the problems we encounter

pchi said...

@iceah

yun ang sinasabi nating lost and found! parang gamit? yay

oh, I'm glad that you found solace in Pasti. turned out you were really meant for each other. and looking at joshua, i think that's the proof that He's really God's gift for you

and about your younger brother, my sister also underwent such situation. pero ang ending, yung best choice talaga napangasawa niya. i'm sure ganyan din sa bro mo. baka si gem. toinks (haha) biro lang

pchi said...

@eilarmos

oi, salamat sa pagdaan

yay. cge lang first offense pa naman at tsaka nagkakamali din naman ako. what if ako din ang nagkamali, wala na din akong chance to make things right di ba?

well, it's over now

thanks ha. daan ka ulit

gLoR!e said...

life is not complete without the trials and triumph! waaaahhh m speechless coz for once i get hurt and rekindle everything!:) hehehe

Nanaybelen said...

Wala akong mai-comment.. God Bless na lang muna ha.

birdy said...

I found most of the Philippine's people with positive thinking and this is another example of it.

pchi said...

@glorie

yay! speaking from experience talaga yan ah. rekindling everything is hard if you're really hurt...

for me, I think it felt like I wasn't hurt at all... everything was erased.

thanks by the way

@nanay belen

ano kaya ibig sabihin niyan walang comment mode na yan nay..

thanks :-)

@birdy

agree! I think being positive is inherent in us; 'cause you know life has been hard so we have to make things lighter

thanks for the visit

movie poster said...

sometimes people need to breakup... so they can grow up

Cidy said...

It's good you gave him a second chance and you face its challenge. Things bound to happen for a reason...

Ruthi said...

LQ? that's the spice of life. Relationship is always tested and people involved always faced with the challenge. I can't say much about it because I married late. The relationships I had in the past did not stand the test of time. Good thing I was given a last chance. You are a very smart girl... you know what to do... follow your heart but not at all times... leave 10% for the benefit of the doubt. And one advice... wag mong ibigay ang buo mong mundo dahil [God forbids] kung di nga kayo para sa isa't-isa... pag nawala sya dala niya ang mundo mo... pano ka? oh well... dont take me seriously... wala lang akong magawa. hahahaha.

jong ladaga said...

tough experiences makes us better persons.

One of the mythical creature i love is the Phoenix.

When they die they burn up into flames, but from their ashes they rise and live again.

pchi said...

@movie poster

yeah, maybe... I am starting to think likewise

@cidy

aw. yeah. of course. love forgives a multitude of faults

pchi said...

@ruthi

I'd take that from you. I think that's a wise advice. thank you

@jong

agree! scarred people are most beautiful because they've been through a lot and yet they still survive

Tigis said...

wow, I believe he's one of the most lucky guy in the world having you as his girlfriend Pchi. You like to see good things in people. And not even a single wound, no matter how hurt it is, can change that. I wish I can have a girlfriend like you :)

btw, I agree. Sometimes when I'm far from God I feel like my life hasn't been as right as it should be. Well, I just hope that I can do my 5 times praying right on time and not leaving them even just once :)

pchi said...

@Tigis

is he? haha
thanks for that Tigis, I'd take that as a compliment

I wish you'd have the nest girlfriend too! way better than me. I have many imperfections as you may know

Yeah, let's keep holding on to our faith

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