Fighting a Battle with Emotional Fluctuations

There are weird things about my behavior that I cannot explain.

There's a certain period in a month when I feel extremely lazy, bored, and utterly depressed. Currently, I am swinging through unusual fluctuations in my emotions.

I don't know if I am the only person who feels this way. But I get lonely, whimsical and very sensitive when my menstruation is coming, a week or two before my period. I get hurt and cry easily, sometimes unreasonable and selfish, without my realizing it. Although now, I am more aware and conscious of this behavior, so I have somehow adjusted myself that it's just another day in a month and it will pass quickly. Maybe this is what they call premenstrual syndrome, or whatever the doctors call it.

Men would never really fully understand it. They can't experience it firsthand. Some women don't have this problem, and maybe some others do. There are simple cases, like headache, pimple breakout for a while, but there are also severe situations which medical health professionals categorize as premenstrual dysphoric disorder.

Somehow, knowing who or what your enemy is helps a lot, but sometimes this isn't enough. Even though I am aware of this, I still can't help it. This affects me every month without fail: bouts of depression, insecurity, crying spells without any reason... but it usually disappears after the period commences or ends.

Sometimes though, it affects my performance. When I need to study or do my programming stuff, I get lazy... then I oversleep. There was one time, I was depressed (for no reason at all) while taking the Civil Service Pen and Paper Test for Professional Eligibility. Good thing I was still able to answer the examination, otherwise I could have failed. Anyway, the Math part was easier because I can compute but the Language-related questions were really long and I had difficulty concentrating.

Most of the time, I get upset with my boyfriend for the littlest reason there is... and on yet other occasions, I just don't not want to see him. We only see each other once a week because he works afar. But I miss him, so I ask him to come over our house but I remain silent so he also doesn't say a word. I always want him to ask me "what's the matter?" but he just says, "let's have a walk outside". I get angry and ask for a break-up and although he still remains calm, he could only mutter, "You know I love you but I don't know just what to do with you right now anymore... "

This scenario happens almost every month for almost two years. LOL. I am just so blessed with the patience and persistence of my boyfriend.

But he's been busy these past few days and I get jealous of the free time he did not spend with me because his family always came first. When I start getting emotional and cry, I condition myself to take control of my feelings or let go and let God do it. It's a struggle but I don't want to lose again.